November 2007
Hi I’m back again with another satirical look at Italian life, and before anybody accuses me of having something against this country it is not true, I simply see things that in my view are funny and in there own way make Now having said all that this newsletter is not so much about the Italians but people in general and in particular the Brits.
This story is all about air travel and in particular travelling with Ryan Air, and before anyone jumps up and thinks they can help me wage war on Ryan Air forget it, in my view they are the saviour of air travel, they have made European air travel affordable. Yes they may have some rough edges and a few quirky ideas but as you sit there on your £10 Stansted to Ancona flight just remember that firstly no one else fly’s direct to Ancona and that a Heathrow to Rome flight is closer to £400.
So to my observation. I do not fly to and from Ancona very often, it took three years of living here before I made my first trip back to blighty, now I do it a couple of times a year but since my first trip in 2001 to my last in October 2007 nothing has changed. I am talking about queuing. I know we Brits love to do it but the queue for Ryan Air flights make no sense to me.
At first I thought the mass that were congregated around the control point just before you board were all the people with some kind of priority booking, you know, families with young children, disabled travellers and the like because that is how they boarded you in those days. But no this was not the case as in truth any parent that was prepared to take on this baying mass would have been stupid, I often watched in amazement as parents tried to negotiate their way through the crowd with a couple of youngsters no more than a metre tall, the kids were scared to death. People looked at the couple with their children as if to say what the bloody hell are you doing, I even overheard someone ask a parent what they thought they were doing, despite the parents explanation and the booming voice over the loudspeakers explaining the fact that children and disabled were boarding first their path was still blocked. No wonder Ryan Air stopped boarding that way there must be hundreds of traumatised children in the UK who will never fly again!
So I started thinking about this queue, well it’s not a queue really it’s more akin to a mass, a throng and in it’s own way it is threatening. But why does it happen, I started to ponder this at length, yes I am sad, but it makes me happy.
There were a number of reasons for this herding behaviour, I had to find the key, and who knows, this is where naivety plays a part, maybe I could solve the problem for Ryan Air. Yeah right!
The first possible cause could be that unbeknown to me the plane has a capacity of some 190 but Ryan Air sell 200 tickets, this would make sense, as they are assuming 10 people will either miss the flight or simply not show, this made sense as there could be 10 unlucky passengers that were not going to get on, so lets get to the front. I proved this not to be so, I waited until last once and still got on and there were spare seats so this was not the cause of the scrum.
Space, that must be it, all the passengers travelling with Ryan Air are all over 1.8 meters tall with a 1.2 meter inside leg thus requiring the front row of the plane, that must be it. No was the conclusion as I detected a fair few hobbits in the mass and even when boarding last the stewards were still protecting the front rows with their life. So that was not it, it does beg the question though, who does sit there?
It must be the seats by the emergency exits, much more leg room, that’s why people have to be first on. No sorry that was not it either, I have boarded at the end of the hoard and still found a vacant emergency exit seat. Now this part of my research did however did throw up an interesting piece of information. Once people get inside the plane they go deaf, yes they do, I have proved it. There is always a couple of stewards at the entrance of the plane, one to welcome you aboard, and they say it as if they mean it which is nice, they also tell you to not sit in the first two rows and that the seats by the emergency doors are for over adults only and that they must not be occupied by youngsters or those with a disability. No one hears them, people try and get in the first two rows and families with toddlers try to occupy the emergency exit seats, therefore proving when you board a plane you go deaf!
Anyway my extensive research was getting no where.
Another thought came to me and that was that people travelling together wanted to sit together. Very sad but it was a possibility. A family with young children yes of course they must sit together I accept that, but a husband and wife? Why, it’s only a two hour flight for heavens sake, it’s one of the reasons I board late with Pam, there is always a chance we will be separated for two hours!!, it has not worked yet but I live in hope.
Now here is another piece of research for you. Someone walks up the aisle and stops at a vacant seat, looks at it and asks, ‘is this seat taken’ stupid or what, it’s empty! Where do they think the persons gone, the plane at this point is gridlocked, are they under the seat or something. It’s empty sit in it! ‘Sorry I’m saving it for someone’ Now this throws up a new dimension to my research. The mass you see at the gate are not all what they seem, there are some ringers in there, a few decoys. This means that the few people that were hanging around the departure gate looking super cool and looking on with distain at throng fighting their way through the gate were in fact CHEATING!! They had secured their seat by sending on a runner, in my view that is very underhand.
Another interesting point here is the person who has achieved their goal, they were one of the first on the plane and they are happy, and you can always spot them, even when you board last, they are the ones that are still standing in the aisle loading their hand luggage into the overhead locker, and it is them that delay us from getting seared. Another thing, have you noticed how many people load their gear in the locker, take their seat and a little later get up again and rearrange the locker so their stuff is at the front, why?
Anyway I digress, back to the queue, I concluded that there was no simple explanation for it. I assumed it was a bit of everything, some believe there are not enough seats for everyone, or they need masses of legroom for their hobbit like frame or they are in love and have to sit together, put all these together and you have the answer I guess.
But NO! If this was the case explain this to me. On my last trip back I arrived at Ancona with about an hour to spare before take off. I checked the departure time and it was showing 13.40 a delay of thirty minutes. Now on this trip there were five of us travelling, and no we didn’t have to sit together. We checked in and admired the queue going through security, another queue.
We decided on a coffee and a bite to eat whilst the people in the security queue lost the will to live, and being a smoker I have to time my exit from freedom just right. If you go through to the other side to soon you are trapped, you could be there for hours. So with the nicotine level topped up we decided to go through security, what a joy, it was empty, I breezed though and watched as my wife with her metal heart gave the security people the run around. Into the lounge area and I trolled through the little shops and decided to have a seat, and then I realised something. This enormous lounge area was empty and I mean empty, there were more security people than there were travellers. As anyone that uses Ancona will know this departure area is huge and at one end there is customs control set into a glass screen, beyond the screen the departures area for Ryan Air. Guess what, the plane had not even landed yet...............and still they were queuing. I could not believe it. I sat for a good twenty minutes in this massive lounge enjoying a coffee whilst they stood there. The plane landed twenty minutes after I went through security, and people were stood in the queue all that time. After the plane had disgorged it’s contents I ambled through security and into the lounge, I tried to break through the first line to get to the seats at the other side, I felt my life was in danger judging by the look I got so I went to the end of the queue and to my surprise, I’m being cynical here, to my surprise the queue hit the back wall and then followed the back wall along, there was no way through. In the end I pushed through both lines and guess what, the seating area was empty.
I learned something on this trip which amused me and has set up a challenge for me. As I said earlier they no longer board young children or disabled first and it is for the best as the crowd waiting in line would never let them trough alive. Now you can pay to pre-board, or to give it it’s proper title Priority Boarding. So I guess if you are a special case then there is a way you can board alive, pay a few quid and you go first, and.................you go on a bus! Two hundred meters, on a bus, and I know why they are doing this. If they went back to the old method of letting the special cases through first it would fail as the marauding crowd would simply trample them underfoot. That’s why they need the bus to give them a head start. However the time lapse between the last priority boarder going through and the mass being let loose is not enough. The bus can be beaten as two guys proved on the day I travelled. The bus doors had not closed and these two were away and they won.
So lets face it the reason for the queue is...............I don’t know. One piece of irony for you. On this particular day with the queue and no plane, the sprinters that beat the bus and me boarding just about last. Firstly I got a seat by the emergency exit and secondly, and this finished me off, the captain came on and explained the route, the weather in England, apologised for his late arrival and then said that he was waiting for a final passenger, and when they arrived he would be on his way. I cried it was so,so funny.
Some final observations which amuse me. There is a row of three seats, one person sitting by the aisle and one by the window, you come down the aisle looking for a seat, they never look at you, they are saying ‘bugger off and find somewhere else’ Please stop and say, would you mind f I have the aisle seat as I don’t travel well. You will for sure get the aisle seat and maybe even three seats to yourself!!
Ryan Air why do you play a fanfare when you land on time? I have never heard it but I have been told about it.
How do Ryan Air know when I need the toilet. Every time I need to go they switch on the fasten seat belt signs.
One for the Italian traveller, why do you clap when the plane lands? It is never that good!
Finally, and if you are a hand luggage only traveller this does not apply to you, I understand why you do this.
We have discussed the queue to get on the plane even when there isn’t one. At the other end we have the dash to get off. Plane stops, everyone gets up, now I do this but for no other reason than the desire to get blood flowing through my bottom again and to get the use of my legs back.
Ask yourself this, when was the last time the luggage from your flight got to baggage reclaim before you, answer – NEVER and it never will, so why rush through the corridors of Stansted airport like a demented fool, you will never win.
Having said all of this Ryan Air hope nothing ever changes, because we are the reason they can turn a plane around in 20 minutes!!

May/June 2007

BUYING PROPERTY IN MARCHE

I’m on a roll now! Another newsletter, I surprise myself sometimes. This masterpiece is on the face of it quite serious, no, it’s very serious, and yes it is a moan and a whinge, but never fail I have managed to extract a little humour from it.
Before I launch into my tirade of abuse on a very deserving group of people I must update you on my health after my trauma with the builders here. You will be pleased to know I am fully recovered, I can sleep at night and the tremors have gone and I should at this point thank all of you that sent get well soon messages. I said I should thank you, and I would if anyone had bothered, it’s OK, I’m a big boy now and I can take the rejection, my wife does it to me all the time!

So, to my whinge. HOUSING AGENTS here in Italy.

Before I launch into this piece of abuse there is a health warning. I would advise that you read this after the watershed and in the privacy of your own home, children under the age of 12 should not be exposed to the following dialogue and if you are of a nervous disposition then please look away. You have been warned.

Firstly let me say that many of the agents we know here are first class but just recently I have come into contact with some agents that simply are beyond belief, in fact they should be dressed in black with a little mask riding a black horse called ‘Bess’


The majority of the agents I am referring to have one thing in common, but I will let this common link be a surprise, or maybe it won’t surprise you at all.....

Now as you would expect I can not name names or even elude to who they are and I would not wish to name the buyers as that would not be fair.

Case 1
Many people looking to buy here in Italy do a considerable amount of research before they come to Italy, and of course the most logical source of information is the Internet. Potential buyers trawl though pages of data on property getting a feel for prices, areas, the condition of properties and the general location of the houses, views etc. This is all very logical and indeed very sensible, however the information presented has to be accurate otherwise the credibility of this source will soon be discredited.
An example is a couple that surfed the Internet and put together a plan for their four-day trip. They wrote to the agents they wanted to meet and made appointments to meet them and they advised the agents of the properties they wanted to see. Their plan was to hit the ground running, so with their flight arrival into Ancona at 1.10pm their first appointment was set for 4pm at the agents office some 1hrs drive down the motorway.
They arrived at the agent’s office and were greeted not by the person they had been writing too but a young lady who spoke very little English. Firstly she did not know their name and then she asked what they were looking for!! They had emailed the agent with all their details of how much they wanted to spend on a property and how much they had for renovation, plus of course the area where they wanted their property. The couple showed the lady copies of the Internet pages from the agents site and explained as best they could that these were the ones they wanted to see. Of the four they had earmarked two were sold, a third was not on her system and she had no idea where they had got the picture from and the fourth was not in the area the advert said it was, they spent the next hour sitting in front of a computer looking at properties. They selected a further two and asked when they could see them, the lady consulted her diary and said that the following day would be fine, not so for the couple as they had other appointments, they could not get an appointment until two days after they left for home.
You can imagine the scene, they had been up since the crack of dawn to get to Stansted Airport, travelled most of the day, were hungry but despite all this their excitement carried them through only to be deflated by the first agent they met.
They arrived with us and after a glass of wine some dinner and a good nights sleep they were ready for day two.
They were to meet another agent in a town an hours drive south of us to see three properties in that area, their appointment was for 9am so they left us at 7.45 to be on time.
They could have stayed in bed as the agent was thirty minutes late. However he knew who they were and what they had come to see, alas the three they had selected were all sold but he had another three to show them all of similar type and price to the ones they were hoping to see. The couple looked at the details and pointed out that one of the three was also sold as they had arranged to see it with the agent the day before. He maintained it was still for sale and that they had to see it as it was just what they wanted. The couple suggested he check it out as they were sure it was sold. He phoned his office and when finished explained that they were right however the offer was only accepted late the night before which is why he was unaware.
I think the agent still believes in fairy’s and that Father Christmas still comes down a chimney!!
Never mind our couple were off to see two properties. The agent suggested that the couple leave their car in the car park and travel with him. ‘Will the car be alright here?’ is a sensible question and ‘yes’ the obvious answer.
Off they went and after a few kilometres the road and terrain were looking familiar, an hour later they arrived at the first house, which is about 15 mins drive from our Villa, and by now the time was 11am. Property two was in the same area. So, by 12.30 they had seen two houses and were now facing a two hour round trip as their next appointment was at 2pm in San Ginesio. They phoned us and asked if we knew the agent they were due to meet, we did and he was happy to push back their meeting time.
Their car? Of course it was fine it simply had a very attractive slip of paper flapping under the wiper blade. The agent assured them it had never happened before. How would he know, he can’t even keep track of houses that are sold! TWIT!!
The couple had two very good experiences with two agents, they saw what they had planned to see and the agents were on time.
One agent failed to show for their meeting and when phoned denied all knowledge of any contact with the couple despite copies of emails.
Four days of driving around and countless hours of planning for what? The couple are returning but they are meeting with the agents that took time to understand their needs.

Case 2
After several visits to Marche this couple found the house of their dreams. The details were very clear and concise a property of 190 sq mtrs in need of renovation with water and electricity connected and 2,800 sq mtrs of land. The price was 115,000 Euro. They offered 110,000 Euro and the owner accepted the offer. They agreed to sign the compromesso on their next visit, which was arranged for ten days later. The delay was at the buyer’s request as he wanted time to think it through and he asked for the contract to be emailed or faxed to him.
The email arrived and along with the contract was an invoice for 1,700 Euro for land re-registration!!
The contract stated that they were buying parcel number 9 with a property of 190 sq mtrs and 1,100 sq mtrs of land. Another 1,700 sq mtrs of land were being transferred from the adjoining land making up the 2800 sq mtrs. There was also an estimate for the connection of electricity, another 700 Euro.
Now I suspect a number of people would have gone on with this and paid the 110,000 for the house plus another 2,400 for the extras.
During conversation over dinner the couple asked what we thought, expecting us to say it was normal, and of course you know me, I was ever the diplomat, however my tears of laughter may have given the game away.
The couple asked for a meeting with the agent prior to signing the compromesso and asked the agent to read his details for the property. This I thought was a nice touch, I wish I had thought of it. He read them and the couple asked what he would think he was buying for his money. He agreed he would be getting a house and 2,800 sq mtrs of land. The question the couple asked was of course ‘why were they paying 1,700 Euro for land transfer’ Nice one. Now the agents answer can not be rushed into here, you have to savour the moment, it has to ripen like a good grape on the vine, the answer is one that can, and must not be forgotten, it should be a lie, but the idiot that said it I truly believe thinks it was true, are you ready?
His answer was
‘It is now law that all houses have to be advertised for sale with a minimum of 3,000 sq mtrs of land’
Please think about that for a minute.
You want to sell a house that does not have 3,000 sq mtrs of land, what on earth can you do, the answer is simple. You liberate the land from your neighbour and charge the buyer to re-register it. The neighbour may object but what can he do, it’s the law!!
The electricity, well that was equally as funny. There is electricity there said the agent. Good, then what is the charge for asketh the buyer. To get the electricity to the house, so it’s not there then, well yes said the agent. Why the charge then, well it’s at the edge of your land. Now the buyer is starting to enjoy himself and asked, is this the land of 1,100 sq mtrs or the 2,800 sq mtrs. The agents response was not quite as good as before, that does not matter. Distance is of no importance then!!
The couple signed the compromesso but the agent agreed to pay the land registration and the connection fee for the electric.
This story was told to me by the couples friends that were with them when all this happened and it was hilarious as he also described the look on the agents face when it all unfolded.

Case 3
Sorry but this one is not at all funny it is simply an out and out rip off and if I knew a way to do it I would love to see the people involved arrested
A couple find a house, like it and make an offer subject to finding out how much the restoration fee would be.
The house cost was 85,000 Euro and had a volume of 180 sq mtrs over two floors. The house needed a complete restoration and if someone asked me to give a ball park figure I would have said 190,000 to 210,000 Euro giving a total of 275,000 to 295,000 Euro.
The agent said that he would arrange to get a valuation for the restoration as he knew of an architect who would do it for him. The estimate was available the following day and it was 70,000 Euro giving the couple a total cost of 155,000 Euro which they could afford so they went ahead and asked the architect to draw up plans and look after the works for them.
The result to date is that the restoration has exceeded 250,000 Euro and still needs another 100,000 Euro to finish it. When it is finished it will have a value of 435,000 Euro. The owners will have to wait for quite some time for inflation to catch up with the value of the property as at the moment they may just get 275,000 for it.
What went wrong? They agent and the architect are related, secondly the architect lied about the costs or was not qualified to quote, and thirdly the contract she got the couple to sign was in Italian with no English translation and the contract almost gave the architect power of attorney over what was spent on the house. A lawyer is now trying to sort the mess out for the couple.

Case 4
This makes me laugh as no one gets hurt and no one is conned it is simply funny.
An English couple find a property they like. The price 150,000 Euro with 4,000 sq mtrs of land, and they decided to offer 125,000 Euro. I advised them that the offer in my humble opinion was too low. They made the offer and it was accepted without a murmur from the Italian owner. Both the agent and I could not believe it, but you live and learn. The compromesso was set for 4pm the same day so all was set for a happy conclusion.
The buyers returned to the Villa at about 6pm and by the look on their faces all was well. The story unfolded.
The compromesso gave details of the property along with 300sq mtrs of land!! Not 3000 as stated. The owner asked if they wanted 3000 sq mtrs, the buyers said yes and were offered the extra land for 25,000 Euro. They agreed so they paid the 150,000 Euro the owner wanted in the first place. The agent and I still see the funny side as do the buyers.

Case 5
A couple looking for a property find the same property on two agents sites. This is not unheard of but in this case the price was different. When the agents were asked about it they both said it was the asking price. The couple, through a translator asked the owner who confirmed the lower of the two prices was indeed the asking price.
Now I liked this couple as they decided to play the game. They phoned the agent asking the higher price and asked to look over the property, they agreed and met the couple at the property. The agent confirmed the higher price.
The couple bought the property through the cheaper agent and when they completed phoned the expensive agent and thanked them for showing them around. I laughed at that as well. Why the different price? Commission, the expensive agent is charging 6%!! Don’t pay it

Case 6
This family saw the house of their dreams on the Internet and booked a flight and accommodation to come and see it. It was everything they wanted, large property with fantastic views of the mountains. The agent took them to see it and the families face must have said everything, almost touching one wall was the biggest electricity pylon they had ever seen, the agent apparently looked at them as if to say,’ Where on earth did that come from’ Agents are not very often honest with descriptions so beware and I simply do not understand why they do not show the whole truth in their pictures, maybe if they don’t take a picture of a pylon it will disappear overnight.

What do all of these stories have in common, all the agents are ENGLISH!!! The one exception is the case where the owner took back his land and sold it back again at the original asking price.

Another piece of advice for you, when you are out seeing property with agents ask the person showing you around if they have any properties themselves that you may be interested in. They always do, and what is more they are often in the portfolio of the company they work for and you will get the property cheaper than it’s being advertised for.

The moral of these stories? I am not sure there is one. I know of people that have had problems with agents not knowing people were arriving or forgetting what people were looking for which was the case in story 1 above. I also know that having had it happen to them people have phoned the agents the day before they arrive to get assurance that the appointment is still OK and the properties they want to see are still available, they get confirmation and still they arrive to be told the houses are sold. To me this is at best inefficient, however I think it is downright rude
Another piece of advice, when your agent suggests you use his or her architect and their builders, run away and don’t look back. Use the agent to buy your house, then find your own architect and builders, you will get honest advice from fellow Brits living here.
Remember the agent you are dealing with is getting around 8% commission for the sale. 4% from the owner and 4% from you, so if there are hidden extras to pay tell the agent they can pay it from their 8%, if not walk away, there are hundreds of other properties for sale out here at the moment.

If an agent tells you that the property market is drying up ask them what brand of stuff he is snorting and that he should give it up and come back to the real world. New properties are coming to the market every day of the week, the choice has never been so great. Don’t be pushed into buying something on the basis of a diminishing market.
Advice? It is very difficult, English run companies are very attractive because of the language issue, however more and more Italian companies have got English speaking salespeople. Another tip would be to try and find websites that are impartial, a number of B&B sites have links to agents, use those links you may find the agents a little more caring and informative.
When you come over for your first visit, don’t set up back-to-back appointments, it never works out. Firstly the time to visit properties takes much longer than you think, travel between properties can be long and the travel time between appointments is often underestimated. Set yourself a reasonable target of properties to see in one day, six may not sound very many but it will be enough when you add in the driving time. Give yourself time to talk to the owner of your B&B or Country House, they may have contacts or may well know of English people that have moved here, see if you can meet up with them. Use your first visit to fine-tune the search area, Marche is a very big province, aim to leave the area with a clear idea of where you want your home.
As someone that moved here over five years ago I can only apologise for the poor service offered by some of the so called agents here, the only good thing is that most come and go quite quickly, in my view the quicker they go the better.
Marche is beautiful and there are many, many properties here to tempt you and they are still cheap, if anyone tells you differently they are either a liar, but more likely incompetent.
Italians will mainly only sell their property through someone they know and trust this is very much the case in rural areas, maybe a little less in the towns. It does however explain why some agents have little or no property to sell whilst others have an abundance of them

Anyway that’s it

My new portico? well the beams are warping nicely and you can’t sit under them as you get showered with saw dust now! I have no idea why, but the beast causing it is drilling eighth of an inch holes in the timber!

Remember, hard work never hurt anyone, but why take a chance!
.




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RESTORING AND BUILDING IN LE MARCHE


Newsletter No. 1 2007

I have to say it is not easy being a man, no don’t laugh, the pressures can at times be overwhelming and there is often simply not enough hours in the day to achieve one’s goals. To make matters that little bit more difficult I find myself here in Italy living with three women, Pam, Georgina and Kath my mother in law! It would be wise of me not to pass comment.
In addition we have seven cats, by the way I have found out what caused the sudden growth from two cats to seven, the randy little so and so will be seen too by the nice VET very soon! Anyway of the seven cats four are female and the three males only spend a day a week around the house. So you see it is difficult around here and it is therefore of no surprise whatsoever that I am late with my newsletters!!

Yes I know, that ranks along side ‘Sorry miss I did do my homework but the dog ate it.’

In addition to the above problems I have been traumatised over the past six months, I have been a shadow of my former self, many days have I spent in a darkened room frightened to come out. Some day’s speech was almost impossible. I had night horrors and a rash. It was not a pleasant time. However you will be pleased to know I am well on the road to recovery and the nervous twitch and rapid eye movement are abating.

The reason for my shocking illness? BUILDERS!!!!

I have spent fours years here advising guests on how to go about organising builders and how they should always get their builders to work to a fixed price contract with an agreeable end date and of course penalties for late completion. What happens when the font of this knowledge gets builders in himself, he forgets everything!! What a nightmare.
I wrote in my newsletter back in August that we had started on bedroom seven and that it would only take fourteen days. They finished in APRIL, 8 months later. My only salvation is that I had a contracted completion date of the 28th February and every day they were late they owed me 50 Euro per day which equals some 2000 Euro, will I get it, that could be another story because at the rate people are back pedalling at the moment and finding excuses for the builders ineptness I somehow doubt it.
To summarise the cause for my lack of newsletters and my dreadful poor health goes along these lines.
The builders wrecked three years of gardening work in about four weeks. Weeds are no longer a problem, scrap metal, lumps of terracotta and cement along with twisted iron bars are much more attractive than a boring dandelion.
Newly installed lights than ran alongside new concrete paths failed to work one day after they had hacked into the new path and cable with gay abandonment. Sewer pipes were found with such ease and duly punctured as if they deserved it. Water pipes that lay hidden for four years once more saw the light of day and were cut in two providing us with not only a three metre high fountain but a new irrigation system as well. And of course there had to be the question at some point in time, ‘Can you smell gas?’
You have had the electrics, the water and the sewer pipes why not the gas.
Then there is the matter of style and flair, maybe beauty and the beast is better suited. A portico is a simple affair. Large timbers resting on concrete pillars. Huge beams laid side by side. To me and you a simple task, not so for my builder. His style mechanism really kicked in when he decided that the big square pine timbers should join smaller round timbers. He was totally unflustered when the concept of round and square not being the same was pointed out to him. Another point you may or may not know is that these monster timbers arrive, cut to a predetermined length, and thus need cutting to suit the job. A chain saw took care of the overhangs, and do you know a little chain oil on the white pine simply adds to the rustic feel of the timber. But I have to say there is nothing like sitting under your new portico on a hot day, the smell of pinesap as it drips off the wood onto your head is wonderful. I thought at first the wood looked far too new and that it needed ageing, my fears were of course unwarranted, within a few days of sun and rain splits deep enough to hide a vespa appeared, we should have crows nesting in them by next winter. Personally I have to say that the beams are too straight, I have a feeling that this will soon be rectified.
Another portico was to be fitted over the front door and to do so they either wanted to wreck my herb garden or destroy a brand new deck. The architect was called in to arbitrate of the disagreement he told the builder to knock a hole in the wall and set the beam into the house. A result I thought, no, having just finished decorating the hall and stairs the Muppet on the hammer drill decided a window would look good so he punched right through the wall!!
So there you are, employ my builder and you too can become a manic-depressive in six short months!!
If anyone reading this hates someone so much and that person just happens to be renovating a property over here give me a call and I will give you the builders name and number.
I can all hear you ask that immortal question ‘why did you choose such an awful builder?’ He was cheap

On a brighter note and believe me there could not be a darker one, I said that I had this winter all planned and that whilst the snow was falling stopping any kind of outside labour I was going to write a book. What happened to winter?, it never happened, we were sitting outside in January having lunch in glorious sunshine. I managed forty thousand words and ten recipes during a wet spell but the winter simply did not happen. In addition I am pleased to say that we had our busiest January to March since we opened. We were full for four weeks over the first three months, which was great. The majority of our guests were looking for property and between them they purchased or are in the process of purchasing over twenty properties. The market is still booming here and the number of new properties coming on to the market is growing on a daily basis and the prices are not ridiculous.
So the book is on hold, which is just as well as I have just lived through another couple of chapters.

The Villa is now ready for the summer, we got the pool open at the end of April along with the new pool surround and decking just in time for a hen group arriving for a long weekend which we all enjoyed here, and judging by the feedback from the hens they had a good time with plenty of laughs and some nice memories
.
In addition to everything else that was going on we had a film crew stay with us in March for a week, they were filming a BBC programme about buying property here in Marche, we arranged the locations for them and transported them about, George was employed to translate for them and we hosted a dinner on their behalf for various commune dignitaries and architects plus some members of the local planning department here in San Ginesio, it all seemed to go well and the programme will go out next January.

For me this is the best time of the year, spring always cheers me up and it’s great to see the Italians coming out of hibernation and starting their annual labour of love on the land. They are still wrapped up in their winter best despite the temperatures climbing into the mid twenties. The coastal resorts are all starting to get ready and the seafood restaurants are opening again. The local markets are getting more colourful. The fruit trees are all in full blossom and the air has a lovely clean mountain smell, the down side is that it is the start of the hay fever season but everything has a price I guess.

As we come into May we are looking forward to our first Jazz night on May 11th here at the Villa. We recently became aware of a local jazz band and went to watch them in Pollenza they are very good. Their keyboard player is an English guy who teamed up with four other Italian musicians and they just love to play. For the night here they are bringing a second saxophone player, so with two saxophones, a lead and bass guitar, drums and keyboard it should be a good night, I just hope the weather behaves, electric instruments and rain don’t work too well!! If it works out we are thinking of making it a regular ‘gig’. See how I am getting into the jargon already!

The light humoured point to end this news letter on happened not so long ago. We had a couple staying with us who were looking for property. We had arranged visits with several local agents and all was going well. They day before they were due to fly home one of the agents phoned to say that he had just heard of another property that would be ideal, however he could not make the meeting and asked if I could take them. No problem, he gave me directions and the morning of their departure we set of to look at the house. I followed the directions and arrived at the ruined house, which looked a little different to the description I had been given. The guests walked around pacing out the house boundary and taking pictures. After a few minutes the front door opened and a large gentleman greeted us with a smile and asked what we were doing. I explained that the guests were interested in buying the house. The nice old man explained that he would rather not sell however the house another kilometre down the lane was for sale. It was an honest mistake; anybody would have done the same. The real place for sale was quite nice but I am not doing it again.
When I told the agent what had happened he had to hang up. When he had calmed down he called me back but not before he told half a dozen others what I had done.
So if ever you come and stay here and you want to view houses, and if by chance the agent is not available I will happily transport you, but you are not allowed to hide in the car!!

AND FINALLY....... THE BARRACUDA AND ZOE BALL

As well as the completion of our building work, Pam’s brothers’ boat is finally finished and starting its charter career off Sardinia. It was recently featured in Marie Claire with business partner Zoe Ball on board. It has taken three years to refit and refurbish and now is truly stunning. Anyone interested in chartering this 8 berth, gaff rigged, sailing ketch should send an email to us with dates. Prices start from £15000 per week to include all meals and crew.

As if this wasn’t enough, brother-in-law David, and his wife Gianna found out that they were expecting around Christmas time, and then two months later everything doubled - its twins!

Enjoy the coming bank holidays and the warmer weather

David

PS Look up our web site over the next few weeks to see what we have done here, I have to say it may just have been worth it!

September 2006

Another month has past and I have reached another landmark in the short history of Villa Sibillini. A second edition of a newsletter has arrived on time!!!

What’s new?
The September copy of Homes Overseas went on sale and I think the piece on us was very good, we were certainly pleased with it, it was well written and the pictures were all first class, our thanks to Sarah the assistant editor for her kind words. That’s not all though, watch out for a future issue and read about Jamie and his team of English gardeners that are doing really well out here. Jamie and his team are worthy of the article as they have come to Italy with the right attitude. Firstly they are all gardeners and they know what they are talking about. Secondly their pricing is fair and more importantly they are reliable and good at what they do.

Our daughter, Georgina also made the front cover and the inside of Italia Magazine with her photograph, taken at last years Viva Italia exhibition and being used to promote this years show at Olympia on September 22, 23 and 24. Why not pop along and visit us on our stand and say hello.
In addition to the magazine articles, I hear that the Tiger Aspect programme ‘A Place in Italy’ originally shown on Channel 4 is back on the television in England. On the Discovery Satellite Channel. It is amazes me that the programme has now aired in; Ireland, Holland, USA, Australia, Canada and New Zealand, and every time it goes out we get emails from the country it is showing in, it’s so nice. I asked a Dutch Couple if they could record one of the episodes, as I wanted to see how we dubbed into Dutch, regrettably it was shown in English. I hope it never reaches Japan, the thought of an email in Japanese could be a little daunting.

August was busy for us here at the Villa, we were full for over 90% of the month and September is looking much the same, it appears that people are leaving it very late this year to book their holidays, our next day off is on October 5th which is the next day without any guests but having written it here I just know that someone will book it now. As I wrote this a departing guest booked another stay arriving on Oct 4th!! October 10th is looking good!

Despite the hectic month I managed to escape for a quick visit to the UK. I flew to Stansted on a Thursday and left again on the Friday having collected our new Mini Bus. Well it’s new to us but not new if you get my point. I caught the Dover Calais Ferry at 8 o’clock Friday evening and arrived back here at 11pm on Saturday night, a very un-eventful trip but very pleasant.. So now we have our own mini bus out here, which will be used to pick up groups from Ancona or Pescara. The first run was scheduled for Friday 25th, a run to Pescara to collect a group of 7, guess what, it broke down on Friday morning!!! So we had to hire one again. A week of scrubbing, polishing and all those things you do with new boys toys and it broke down, I was heartbroken, I was all set with my peaked cap, ticket machine and my name badge, ‘Butler’ (On the Buses) and ready to go. It was only a very minor fault and it is working fine now.

The events on and around the weekend of 12th 13th August were bad enough, Air transport was thrown into total disarray, as luck would have it all the guests checking in at that time had driven down except one young couple from the north of England. They travelled down to Stansted only to find their flight cancelled and little chance of re-booking for the following day. They had arranged for their children to be cared for and were looking forward to a week away together. They rescheduled their flight, they booked to fly from Manchester to Milan and then Milan to Ancona, arriving here at around 1 am. The cost of the flight was huge in comparison with Ryan Air but they were determined to have their break. They phoned and re-booked their room here to include an extra day so it looked as if all would be OK after all. At midnight they phoned to say they were at Ancona but Alitalia had lost their baggage, and that they would not be arriving until 2am. Anyway a nights rest, many phone calls and copious amounts of coffee later, the bags were found and they enjoyed a restful week together.

The Hit Parade
We made number five in the charts! No we have not released a cheesy summertime song, although it could catch on. A recent guest wrote a travel review of her stay with us on Tripadvisor and it was so good it is number 5 on the review list for Marche and the same review was selected as the best of the month, that makes it all worthwhile.

Reiki
What does Reiki mean to you? Well it’s like Suduko isn’t it? Or is it to do with the occult? Where did it come from? Seriously I had never heard of it until a year ago which most of you will find strange, however I am well known for my intolerance of things mystic, religious and voodooist, so I suspect no one wasted their breath trying to explain it to me which is fair enough. Then one day Pam said that a friend of hers was coming over to offer Reiki as a treatment during a Hen Party. My response was clear and simple, ‘Over my dead body’ A hen party is not the place for that stuff, so of course it went ahead. One of the party jumped at the chance and off she went, an hour or so later she returned having been crying. I asked her if everything was alright fearing that she had seen the devil or some other such demon, however her response took me back ‘It was wonderful’ She told her friends and before I knew what was happening they were queuing up to be next, even my daughter went for a session. Two days later 12 guests had been reikied (is there a plural for it?) and they all had one thing in common, they all cried. So I knew I was right and that it was no good and it had to be evil, and what was more worrying the Villa was probably cursed. Well it was actually but that’s a different story.

Anyway like the drips falling on a rock people kept on explaining what it was all about trying to convince me they were not devil worshipers and that I should try it. I was now troubled because I can understand most things but this had me confused. I could not, or perhaps would not, understand the principles or the logic of the whole thing.

On a recent trip back to the UK with Pam we had dinner with Pam’s friend and her husband and the conversation got around to Reiki and because I was feeling tired and a little exhausted they agreed a session would do me good, with some reluctance the friend agreed to see me the following day. I don’t blame her for her reluctance after some of my comments about this secret occult. The time came and to my surprise the room was not draped in mystic stars and I did not have to wear a white gown I was simply asked to remove my shoes and lay on the table, a sort of massage table. Music started playing, not my choice of music but very soothing and restful. I was shown how to relax through breathing and despite being scared, and believe me I was scared because I was going to do something I knew nothing about, the only spirit world I knew was in a pub!

It started, and it ended, what happened in between I can tell you about but I cannot explain it. Why when she started by resting her fingertips on my temples did a solitary tear role down my cheek. Why when she was holding my ankles did she brush down my left side, was she holding my ankles?

Did I fall asleep and was I dreaming when I found myself in another room. Why when she put her hands on my knees did they become hot. When it was over I felt dizzy and very strange, it took a minute before I could stand and for the rest of the day I felt strange, that is the only way I can describe it to you, it was as if I was in a day dream, that night I slept like a baby. Did I feel better, I don’t know, I did feel different though.

Some people see colours during their experience I didn’t not until my forth visit, then it was amazing, yellow, violet and red which all mean something I am told.

So that was my experience. Would I go again? yes without doubt, do I understand it all? No I don’t think I do. Do I want to understand it? No I don’t think that is necessary any more. Do I believe in the spirit world now? If that is the definition of what I experienced then I would have to say Yes I do. I am even somewhat confused on how to describe the whole experience. Relaxing, soothing and invigorating are all good descriptors I think. If you have not tried it you should but one word of advice, do not try and fit an hours reiki into a lunch break or something like that, the experience goes beyond the hour

Room 7
What did I say about it, having mentioned it would be finished by now it was bound to fail! I was told there was 14 days work involved, what I was not told was that they were only working one day a month. Opening is now scheduled for May 2007.

My thanks to those that wrote about what should be in a bedroom. The most desirable item turned out to be a bed. Anyone want to buy a job lot of sleeping bags. Internet connection did feature high so we will get on with that. The other requests for additions to the bedrooms were not printable, sorry!

Web Cam
It almost went live but it is now a WET CAM, so back to the drawing board.

Group Bookings
Fancy a break with friends this Autumn. We are offering an all inclusive four day break with prices starting at £140 per Person which includes three nights accommodation, three evening meals with wine, two at Villa Sibillini and one at a top rated local restaurant, all transfers and visits to markets, a wine producer with time for a little designer outlet shopping. This offer applies to groups of 12. Similar offers are available for smaller or larger groups. Single sex groups can be catered for as well. All group bookings are guaranteed exclusive use of the Villa and facilities.

That’s about it for another month, whilst we are still enjoying summer our attention is now turned to the work around the pool and terracing which will start around the 5th October getting ready for the summer of 2007 when the two new lounging terraces should be finished, lets hope for a kind winter.

Ciao Tutti - August 2006

Welcome one and all to another attempt at producing a news letter, we think we may have cracked the problem this time, it’s called commitment!! Well I may as well be honest, I could have said that strategically the time was not right for a high quality well written newsletter, but then that would have been a lie and no one would have believed that.
We are now committed, about time, to posting a monthly newsletter to the web site before the 1st of every month. The reasons behind writing a newsletter are straightforward:

1. To keep in touch with guests who have stayed at Villa Sibillini
2. To inform existing and new customers of what we are doing and what is happening in down town San Ginesio
3. To encourage people to visit our web site for other reasons than to book a stay here. We are planning changes to the site that will make it more informative about Italy and in particular Le Marche, whilst it will always be our platform for sales we want our site to be a reference point for other things Italian. In its simplest form we may simply provide another web site address to help you, or you may find we have the answer. Q and A will be another section to encourage a two, three or more way exchange of knowledge and useful information.
4. If the newsletter does no more, it will make you laugh

Now the health warning! The changes we are planning will take time and should we consider new technology for any solution or bright idea it will cost a bit and be delayed, just like all technical solutions are, so in short don’t hold your breath! Any way on with Bollettino numero uno.

Look who’s coming to Dinner
In early July we were contacted by a UK journalist who was looking to write an article about people moving to Italy, however she wanted to approach the article in a different way and not the usual we moved to Italy type story. Sarah wanted to meet local dignitaries to hear what they thought about the influx of Europeans into the area and how they saw their integration into the community. She wanted to meet people that moved here to set up a business and to see how they were getting on, and to talk to the every day Italian to gain an insight into what they think about it all. Sarah spoke perfect Italian so she got it from the horses’ mouth as it were.

We hosted dinner for her at the Villa, the Major (Sindaco) Snr Parucchi came and he bought the Tourism team with him, we also invited an English gardener – our friend Jamie with partner, Simon started with nothing and now they have a team of 12 offering soft and hard landscaping solutions throughout Marche. Sheryl, the star of the Channel 4 program was there along with a number of Italians that interface with people moving into the area.

The evening was a great success and by the end of her stay Sarah had all she wanted and her conclusion was that we were so lucky to be living in such a beautiful place and that the officials of San Ginesio held no malice towards us whatsoever. But what of the locals she spoke to? ‘They make us laugh’ they told Sarah.

The magazine Homes Overseas http://www.homesoverseas.co.uk/magazine are running her piece in September, watch out for it, it is the biggest selling magazine covering people moving abroad, even bigger than A Pace in the Sun, which I found surprising. It should be on sale on 3rd of August.
Another journalist, this time a freelance writer living in Sardinia is coming in September to write about Le Marche and trying to draw parallels with Tuscany and Umbria. More later.

Room 7 is underway
Our long awaited conversion to create another en-suite room is underway at last, it should be ready by mid August, and having written about it, there will now be no chance of an early completion!!
This new room will be separate from our other rooms and will a modern luxury mini-suite with a private balcony. The room will be equipped with the latest technology such as satellite TV DVD and CD players, telephone and internet access. A luxury bathroom and fully stocked bar will complete the extras available to future guests.

Who wants it anyway!!
The above started me thinking when we were planning the extra room about what should and should not be in a bedroom, so from March I have been doing some G&T research asking guests about things like TV and videos etc. The general consensus was NO to everything except internet access from the room, and a bed would be nice! All our rooms are plumbed, if that’s the right phrase, for internet, Sky, telephones and alarms etc Do we put them in? Any views please let us know on our email address at the bottom

Hens and Stags
July saw us host our 10th Hen weekend but in addition our first stag weekend, and to make it more interesting it was the Stag and Hens from the same wedding, well it would either end in smiles or tears - thankfully there were smiles all round, as you can see from the picture of the bridegroom playing bulldog in a local San Ginesio field in the pouring rain. A massive thanks to Marcello at Belaborno for helping out with accommodation, a big thanks also to Cheryl and Janette who most of our guests will have met, you were both tireless, thanks. The hens were great, however the stags had this overwhelming desire to take their clothes off all the time, even on petrol station forecourts

A Sign of the times
As many of you know we have a sign at the end of our lane guiding you the weary traveller to your destination. We only have the one, that’s all we ever wanted, a simple sign to mark a difficult sometimes invisible turn, after all San Ginesio is on just about every map produced so the need for a plethora of metal work is simply not necessary. This view is not however shared by the Provincial Offices of Macerata. Take it down was their retort, so after a year of doing no harm it had to come down. I sought advice, and was told be the nice people in planning that if I move it over 2 mtrs in from the road it should be OK, now the word ‘should’ in that reply did not fill my heart with hope and glory. Any way I moved the sign 2.5mtr in from the road and erected my sign in all it’s glory. Two weeks later it was run over!! It was lovingly cleaned and replaced again. The following morning it was down again. Next time I will let the cement dry and check the forecast for high winds!

Big Brother
We have installed a Web Cam out on the front patio so we can beam live images at certain times of the day, showing general views. You will also be able to see the temperature at the time along with what is going on around the pool, me cleaning it I suspect. So the web cam is up, the software company we use are ready to put the images on the home page of the web site, but alas connecting the computer to the web cam is not proving easy because they are not co-located and we do not have broadband. However the local telecom firm now offer 24/7 internet connection for a monthly fee so we may be on our way. Be assured the images that will be beamed world wide will not be good enough to identify anyone, it will be there to give pictures of the views, and the cats!

Villa Sibillini is going Seasonal
Well it seems to work in just about every tourism sector throughout the land so why be different. From November 2006 We are going seasonal. From 1st November to 10th March 2007 we will be lowering our winter tariff to 50 Euro per night for a double room for a minimum stay of three nights, this includes the ski season of Jan and Feb and Christmas and the New Year. Our 2007 Summer rates will be staying unchanged at 85 Euro per night for a double room with a minimum stay of three nights applicable again for July, August and the first half of September. For those that have booked your winter breaks we will be issuing new invoices in due course reflecting the price reductions

Some One Liners
‘Yes I will get a new fuel gauge’ That was me after I ran out of diesel on the way up to San Ginesio. Did you know you can coast all the way from the top of the hill to the Villa. The brakes and steering were not much good, but it can be done!!

‘Pam, where’s the car’ Pam’s reply was simply ‘In the ditch just up the lane’ When I got there the Land Rover had two wheels in the ditch, which is about two foot deep and two wheels in mid air, so much for four wheel drive! An hour, a tractor, a length of chain and copious glasses of wine got it back on four wheels again with very little damage. Why do these things happen when we are full, and the guests are eating on the terrace and the extraction of the said vehicle is taking place in full view of everyone. I got a nice round of applause though.

Finally on a personal note, being in the piazza on Sunday 9th July watching Italy win the World cup was something special, there were only a few hundred people there but they made it a great night

My other joy for the month was getting tickets to watch Santana play live in Lucca near Florence. There is nothing like an open air concert in a piazza in summer, fantastic. These concerts happen all over Italy through the summer, if your interested try looking at the web sites for places such as Ancona, Senigallia, Porta Recanati or Macerata for the Opera. http://goeurope.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=goeurope&zu=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.summer-festival.com%2Fmain.html

And a message to the many guests that have asked me to do it!! YES I am writing the book and YES it will have all the recipes you asked for, you know beans on toast, beans alla fredo, pasta e beano, the list is endless, it is my winter project for 2006 and when I get it published, which I WILL DO THIS TIME! I will send those of you a copy. Anyone know a dodgy printer?

One final point, if you telephone us and I sound strange or you have difficulty understanding me face to face it’s due to the fact that I am undergoing a course of dentistry, which involves taking most of them out!! Twenty years without going to the dentist has now come home to roost. Why 20 years, cos I was scared stiff!!

That’s all

Look out for Issue 2 on the 1st September I am doing a piece on Reiki for that issue and don’t forget my ever so slightly satirical stories about my life here in our NEWS/INFO From There to Here Section http://www.villasibillini.com/news/index.asp?content_id=47 also check out the archive of the column and previous newsletters http://www.villasibillini.com/news/index.asp?content_id=4

Have a great August
Buona Festa
David Pam and Georgina plus the cats, Does any body want one? Only 6 left to find homes for

PS check the Gallery for new images